Sunday, September 11, 2011
SO STRESSED.
I can handle a lot of things, and I mean a lot. My life over the past two years has been a whole lot of handling things. It's just the things that I can't handle that get to me. And compile themselves on top of the things I am trying to handle. I want to do my best to please everyone, but I think I have to dump my rather optomisitc look on life for a hot second, and realize that everyone can't be pleased. I am trying....believe me, I am trying.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Life decision
So...life decision made...
I want to become a doctor or a Physician Assistant. Good talk. :)
I want to become a doctor or a Physician Assistant. Good talk. :)
You have your good days...and then...
You know how you have your good days, and you have your bad days...well, I can't say today was either one.
I spent most of today trying to curb my stomach pains. Trying to soothe them with whatever weapons I could throw at them. I have tried Tums, my daily Nexium, Saltines, I ate a protein filled dinner...I have been eating ice. I am just sick and tired of feeling like this. My mind knows that I want to be in a good mood, but my body keeps telling me that I am not. I just want this to be over, and for both of them to agree with each other for once. On the flip side, I got to spend a peaceful fourth with a bunch of my friends. But I do miss the fireworks I would have seen at the Salem Fireman's Carnival...it's been years since I have missed them...2007, I think.....Anyway, I wish everyone a happy and safe fourth of July and I will chat later! :)
I spent most of today trying to curb my stomach pains. Trying to soothe them with whatever weapons I could throw at them. I have tried Tums, my daily Nexium, Saltines, I ate a protein filled dinner...I have been eating ice. I am just sick and tired of feeling like this. My mind knows that I want to be in a good mood, but my body keeps telling me that I am not. I just want this to be over, and for both of them to agree with each other for once. On the flip side, I got to spend a peaceful fourth with a bunch of my friends. But I do miss the fireworks I would have seen at the Salem Fireman's Carnival...it's been years since I have missed them...2007, I think.....Anyway, I wish everyone a happy and safe fourth of July and I will chat later! :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Exhausting myself...
This is a quick one...
I am in this really bad habit of masochistic behavior right now. I won't stop working until I have completely exhausted myself. I feel as though, if I have some strength left, there is something that I have left undone somewhere, something that I have left unfinished. But in real life, there isn't, and that's why it's a bad behavior, and it's going to get me in trouble...it has already started to. My body hates me. My mind wanders...I have to learn how to pace myself. PACE YOURSELF MAUREEN. Rant over. Good night. Thank GOD.
I am in this really bad habit of masochistic behavior right now. I won't stop working until I have completely exhausted myself. I feel as though, if I have some strength left, there is something that I have left undone somewhere, something that I have left unfinished. But in real life, there isn't, and that's why it's a bad behavior, and it's going to get me in trouble...it has already started to. My body hates me. My mind wanders...I have to learn how to pace myself. PACE YOURSELF MAUREEN. Rant over. Good night. Thank GOD.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Crazy summer.....
Hello! I know I haven't posted in a while, but not having reliable internet hasn't helped the situation.... LOTS to update on.
I am in Potsdam right now, working for the college as medical staff for the summer camps here. We hand out medications to the kids and patch up the ones who find a way to hurt themselves...it's fun but it's been exhausting..12 hours on, 12 hours off, wake up at 6 am and deal with teenagers...sometimes I feel like you can never get paid enough to deal with that...
But I like Potsdam, I like being here, and having my own space, being able to control my surroundings, and being with people that I know. I feel closer to a lot of my college friends, than I did to my high school friends that I had known for 10+ years. I guess it helps that your college friends actually have something in common with you, and basically live with you for the majority of 4 years.
I had my 21st birthday here yesterday, and it was fun! I had to work from 6am to 6pm, but after that I celebrated by going to the liquor store and purchasing my first bottle of alcohol :) I didn't really drink much, because my stomach can't really take it, but I had maybe one shot of alcohol TOTAL. It was just liberating to know the fact that I was doing this legally, and that if someone came upon me drinking this concocted beverage, I wouldn't be arrested...
I went into the liquor store, and it was like a different world to me. I had never been in one as a customer, only when my mother went into the local one to buy her lottery tickets. There is so much to offer, but because my palette has been destroyed by cheap vodka, and the top shelf vodka holds no appeal for me, I chose my bottom shelf vodka ( Mr. Boston), and proceeded to gawk at the rest of it that I had never seen before. I don't think my newfound freedom to drink will lead me to drink more, but I will have more of a choice of WHAT I want to drink in the future. When I was underage, I could only drink what others had bought me, now I have that control to make my own decisions. :) I just feel more grown up being able to go into the bars with my friends, and having fun (and you can have fun at a bar without alcohol), and not having to be the little kid who has to stay home and be on Facebook all night...
Anyway, I had a good time. I had to work at 6am this morning, so a couple of drinks was my limit, but I don't think I wanted any more, needed any more, and my stomach doesn't need it.
Updates galore time.
As far as my health goes, I am still having my left side pain, and the most recent endoscopy I had shows some inflammation at the connection of my pouch and my intestines. The doctor said it could be the ulcer still, but he is not sure if I have a hernia or not....my stomach causes so much drama in my life. SO, he wants to do a diagnostic laprascopy, which isn't all that much of a big deal, but it's still surgery that I don't want. I have to be under general anesthesia, and that means waking up in pain, and being miserable for the rest of the week. IT SUCKS. But it's either this, or suffering for the next semester with pain that I have had since October. I hope and pray this will be an easy fix. I really don't want another surgery or procedure again, and I don't like saying that I had complications. I have have had an overall positive experience with this surgery, and despite all of this going on, I would still reccomend this surgery to anyone..it has changed my life and I would never go back. This past year has been the best of my life; I have been able to do things that I had never been able to do, I have had more confidence in myself than ever, and I am hopeful that things will improve even more over the coming years.
I couldn't have done it without certain people in my life...my WLS support group, my mom, my aunts and uncles and my family...I know most of them don't read this, but ya know, they should. :)
Anyway, this thing is already too long, so I am going to end it here for now....tah tah for now!
Maureen
I am in Potsdam right now, working for the college as medical staff for the summer camps here. We hand out medications to the kids and patch up the ones who find a way to hurt themselves...it's fun but it's been exhausting..12 hours on, 12 hours off, wake up at 6 am and deal with teenagers...sometimes I feel like you can never get paid enough to deal with that...
But I like Potsdam, I like being here, and having my own space, being able to control my surroundings, and being with people that I know. I feel closer to a lot of my college friends, than I did to my high school friends that I had known for 10+ years. I guess it helps that your college friends actually have something in common with you, and basically live with you for the majority of 4 years.
I had my 21st birthday here yesterday, and it was fun! I had to work from 6am to 6pm, but after that I celebrated by going to the liquor store and purchasing my first bottle of alcohol :) I didn't really drink much, because my stomach can't really take it, but I had maybe one shot of alcohol TOTAL. It was just liberating to know the fact that I was doing this legally, and that if someone came upon me drinking this concocted beverage, I wouldn't be arrested...
I went into the liquor store, and it was like a different world to me. I had never been in one as a customer, only when my mother went into the local one to buy her lottery tickets. There is so much to offer, but because my palette has been destroyed by cheap vodka, and the top shelf vodka holds no appeal for me, I chose my bottom shelf vodka ( Mr. Boston), and proceeded to gawk at the rest of it that I had never seen before. I don't think my newfound freedom to drink will lead me to drink more, but I will have more of a choice of WHAT I want to drink in the future. When I was underage, I could only drink what others had bought me, now I have that control to make my own decisions. :) I just feel more grown up being able to go into the bars with my friends, and having fun (and you can have fun at a bar without alcohol), and not having to be the little kid who has to stay home and be on Facebook all night...
Anyway, I had a good time. I had to work at 6am this morning, so a couple of drinks was my limit, but I don't think I wanted any more, needed any more, and my stomach doesn't need it.
Updates galore time.
As far as my health goes, I am still having my left side pain, and the most recent endoscopy I had shows some inflammation at the connection of my pouch and my intestines. The doctor said it could be the ulcer still, but he is not sure if I have a hernia or not....my stomach causes so much drama in my life. SO, he wants to do a diagnostic laprascopy, which isn't all that much of a big deal, but it's still surgery that I don't want. I have to be under general anesthesia, and that means waking up in pain, and being miserable for the rest of the week. IT SUCKS. But it's either this, or suffering for the next semester with pain that I have had since October. I hope and pray this will be an easy fix. I really don't want another surgery or procedure again, and I don't like saying that I had complications. I have have had an overall positive experience with this surgery, and despite all of this going on, I would still reccomend this surgery to anyone..it has changed my life and I would never go back. This past year has been the best of my life; I have been able to do things that I had never been able to do, I have had more confidence in myself than ever, and I am hopeful that things will improve even more over the coming years.
I couldn't have done it without certain people in my life...my WLS support group, my mom, my aunts and uncles and my family...I know most of them don't read this, but ya know, they should. :)
Anyway, this thing is already too long, so I am going to end it here for now....tah tah for now!
Maureen
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Ugh...
I usually don't post about personal stuff, and I am not asking for pity, but I just need to get it out there...
My ulcer is the only thing in my life right now that I can say is plaguing me. The rest of the things in my life I either have solutions for, or plans to help myself. But this is something that I can't help myself. I have an endoscopy on Tuesday, and I am hoping that they are gone, but they don't feel like they are...ugh. And now, my most recent labs say my liver enzymes are up, and one of my DRs wants me to get an abdominal ultrasound to make sure that my gallbladder is working. GREAT. Anyway. Venting over. Have a great night!
My ulcer is the only thing in my life right now that I can say is plaguing me. The rest of the things in my life I either have solutions for, or plans to help myself. But this is something that I can't help myself. I have an endoscopy on Tuesday, and I am hoping that they are gone, but they don't feel like they are...ugh. And now, my most recent labs say my liver enzymes are up, and one of my DRs wants me to get an abdominal ultrasound to make sure that my gallbladder is working. GREAT. Anyway. Venting over. Have a great night!
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